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The distorted peace.

Do you also get that feeling where you desperately wish to go jump into the under water bed and just sink. Sink to the bottom and sit there, staring at the coral reef, at the worn out ship attachments, at the group of fishes in search of shelter, food and mate. Or perhaps sit on the sand with sea shells in your hand, listening to the wave collisions, sunlight falling on your bosom and wind playing with strands of messy hair. Well, i do. They keep me at peace. The falling stars and big bang theory fascinate me. The agori sadhus in the himalayas and many life, many masters attract me. The metalabolic reactions and love stories make me happy.
There is a lot of narcissism in me. There is also a want to die feeling constantly eroding me. But you know what, they keep me at peace.
It really doesn't matter sometimes in life if things don't work the way you want them to. And even when i am saying this i am getting distracted, distracted from what i am supposed to tell. My peace keeps saltating, jumping different extremes. Sometimes accepting just what others say and sometimes rebelling. You can go crazy, from a desire to dive into your constantly shifting thoughts to the desire to stare into someone's eyes and read their not so tell tales. Yes, sometimes we can find our peace in someone else's mind. This is beautiful. Yes it is. But the more i think about  it the more i realise how easy it is for us to get distracted into another's life. How foolishly we indulge ourselves into stories that feed our brains with stories that are just not necessary. Also about how difficult it is for us to just get away with it. To say no, to say yes. How difficult is it really to forget about the people in our realms and for a second, for a second atleast enclose ourselves in a space that has only us inside?  Only you. Only you building sandcastles and talking to the shells instead of listening to them. Talking to the moon instead of smiling at it. Cuddling inside the blanket instead of getting away from it. Maybe it isn't as difficult as it seems. Maybe doing things that makes us happy isn't very difficult. Maybe no one really gets hurt when you say no to them once in a while. Maybe.
Let's just try, for without trying how are we supposed to know? A little time spent listening to your needs doesn't take anything away, if not atleast give. There is much more to you than you realise. A YOU that is yet to be understood, yet to be nourised, yet to be loved. It doesn't really matter what others have to say, sometimes be selfish. Alteast that is not what you want to regret when you die. If you want it then do it. There is a hell lot of stories to be told. It is not just about listening to others. How did we ever forget that there is also something within us that is in a need for care, for appreciation for keeping us existing, if not atleast happy and alive? That 'You' loves you more than another  'You' does. We have ample time, we don't have to regret not listening to ourselves at the end. That would be foolish. Very foolish.
Listen to your stubborn heart, your wonderful character, your beautiful soul. They also are craving for your attention. They just love what you love, your wierdness is their innateness.
Fall in love with yourself you idiot, fall in love with peace, then let's see how things change, how life suddenly becomes better.
You are perfect, you don't need anyone more to tell you that, there are already people waiting to tell you that. Trust me.
Shreeraksha Naik

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